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March 19, 2009

Dave Barry's Colonoscopy: An Inspiration to Writers

My husband recently turned 50 and altered his life goals. Top on his list: To earn Dave Barry's Colonoscopy Certificate.

Along with round-the-middle weight gain and rapid vision loss which requires one to stock up on over-the-counter eye glasses purchased in bulk at Costco, turning 50 brings with it the gift of intrusion in the form of a colonoscopy.

When my husband decided to succumb to the procedure, friends sent him the link to Dave Barry's column called A Journey into my Colon -- And Yours . Dave writes in full detail about the purging process and the exploration afterwards, so I need not delve into those previously charted waters. But I must warn you: Read Barry's essay in private to avoid being viewed as a hopeless geek who laughs at his own computer screen.

When my husband forwarded the colonoscopy link to me, even though I am far younger and am hoping a simpler procedure will come along by the time I hit the big one, I was awakened. Not only as far as colon cancer awareness goes, although that's his top take-away message, but about how brilliant a writer Dave Barry is. (And I'm not just saying that with the hope that the writing genius will visit my blog and offer a comment, however excitedly welcomed such an act would be!)

I wrote a book several years ago called Write Well & Sell: Changing Life's Simple Stories into Sales , an instructional manual that is essentially what my husband calls "Writing Essays for Dummies," and he means that in a good way. Nevertheless, many of the writing tips and techniques I offer in the book are perfectly exemplified in Dave Barry's essay.

One of my favorite parts of Changing Life's Simple Stories into Sales is a section called The Trick List: 15 Ways to Enhance Your Writing. The list features various simple tips that, when added, will undoubtedly make your story more readable, more memorable. (As an aside, The Trick List is complemented later in the book by The Don'ts List: 11 Mistakes to Avoid.)

In his colonoscopy column, Dave Barry uses nearly all of the tricks I highlight in the list. Now, this can mean one of several things:

1. Dave Barry read my book.

2. I wrote the book after reading Dave's column.

3. Dave and I are friends and collaborate on all of our works.

4. Dave Barry is an exceptionally talented writer and my book teaches you how to hone your skills to become just that.

Let's go with #4.

For example, point number 5 on The Trick List is to "Use Simple, Visual Similes and Metaphors." How often have you neglected to add similes or metaphors to your WIP because doing so requires some tweaking to find the right one for the application at hand? Or worse yet, how many awkward, difficult-to-decipher similes have you deleted from your own work or been annoyed with in other published writings? Adding a clear and meaningful simile or metaphor isn't novel advice. Yet somehow this technique is grossly neglected by many writers, both published and non.

Another Trick List tip is number 8, "Single Out a Sentence as a Separate Paragraph." You can also use a few-word phrase in a paragraph of its own. The impact, of course, results by forcing the reader to place emphasis on those words, on that action, and/or on the emotion the action evokes. Again, the advice isn't all that profound but is extremely effective and very easily implemented.

A final technique featured in the list is noted in lucky tip number 13, "Choose a Theme." We don't need to get into a heavy discussion defining theme at this time. What I refer to here is the idea of applying a recurrent idea, a motif, if you will, to your writing. By referring lightly to the chosen theme throughout the piece, you'll weave in a thread that will pull the reader from your gripping beginning to a satisflying end.

While I don't have permission to show you explicitly how Dave Barry executes these tidbits of advice (although I do have permission to link to his essay), you are fully capable of reading the piece and extracting the examples on your own.

Please don't poo-poo these suggestions as minor or measly or insignificant. After you note the use of these techniques in Barry's writing and see how powerfully effective they can be, I hope you'll pull out your drafts and apply them yourself. Using theme and relevant metaphors, for example, are the fundamentals upon which most good writing rests. Why not go back to giving the basics a try?

And for those of you approaching 50 or older, don't forget to sign up for the dreaded invasive procedure, if for no other reason than to earn Dave's certificate. In the end, there's a theme to be followed here: Purging and exploring helps colons and writers. (Oh yeah, and it doesn't hurt to come full circle either.)

If interested in purchasing Write Well & Sell: Changing Life's Simple Stories into Sales, email me. It's $10 plus shipping. (I like to use the $4.95 Priority envelopes so the book arrives in good condition and in a day or so.)

Posted by Judy at March 19, 2009 11:09 AM

Comments

Hello Judy,

Sorry to hear about your loss.

But it's good that you're writing again. And blogging is writing.

I used to subscribe to Barry's articles years ago, but I guess I got tired of all the humor. He is a very good writer though. I get the same feeling after listening to more than two or three blues songs in a row; it's okay in small doses every so often.

I read "A journey into my colon -- and yours." And I noticed some of the writing techniques you mentioned. I try to incorporate a theme into my writing, which is especially easy to do when you're a garden writer. I think I could use more similes and metaphors, but often worry about losing the reader (the audience for my gardening column is mostly the cotton top crowd).

I noticed the following comment about Dave's article:

"There is no sane reason for you not to have it done."

Lack of health insurance is one.

I too have no health insurance.

Posted by: TC at March 19, 2009 08:01 PM

Many thanks for your sympathy. The kindess of others has been a comfort to us all.

It's true that many works of nonfiction are better when read in small doses, as you say. I'm sorry about the health insurance comment, however -- you make a great point!

I'm glad you identified the techniques Barry applied and that you frequently use theme in your writing. I can imagine a few colorful metaphors for your gardening column, but perhaps it wouldn't work with the type of material you convey. Your readers are probably looking for tips and information, but they might appreciate the twist of a metaphor every now and then.

Thanks again for your insights!

Judy

Posted by: Judy Schneider at March 19, 2009 09:35 PM

Judy: Your blog, and Dave's column, made me LOL (I'm trying to convince you that I'm hip and up to date here by using LOL!).

Since I am 6 years older than your husband, I can safely say that colonoscopies are only the beginning! All the things I have observed as those around me age are beginning to happen to me including memory issues, not being able to read either WITH or WITHOUT my glasses, etc. But it is all part of aging and part of life, and also good fodder for talented humor writers!

I am sorry about the passing of your mother-in-law, and know that coping with loss is a delicate and protracted process. Know that it will get better, and be patient with yourself and your family as you find your new equilibrium.

So glad you are writing and blogging...and hope to see you SOON!!!

mary

Posted by: Mary at March 19, 2009 10:51 PM

Mary, you are so right about the whole aging process. I remember when my parents were this age and I thought they were ready to expire. Thank heaven for yoga and gingko biloba!

Your kind words regarding the loss of my mother-in-law are gratefully appreciated! So many of my blog readers were kind enough to send me messages to calm the soul and lift the spirit. Thanks to you all for your thoughtfulness and support!

Mary, I wish you luck in your writing and know our paths will cross again, soon!

Judy

Posted by: Judy Schneider at March 20, 2009 12:24 AM

P.S. Mary, I forgot to comment on your use of the word "equilibrium." I love it! It's such a chemistry term that I'm not used to hearing people use it in a real-world environment. Our family is seeking a new sense of balance, as you indicate, and we will surely find it. Thanks again for your comment and for your support! ~ Judy

Posted by: Judy Schneider at March 20, 2009 12:46 AM

Welcome back Judy!
Sorry about your loss.

I missed you and hope you'll continue to instruct us with your easy-to-follow writing tricks and tools.
Arn't you planning to organize any more weekend retreats? What about a writers' retreat? We can write, write or read throughout the weekend taking breaks only at lunchtime. After dinner we can mingle and have fun. Critiquing could be optional. That way you too can get some writing done.

Good luck with your summer workshop "Write Now."

Madhu

Posted by: Madhu B. Wangu at March 20, 2009 11:14 AM

Judy, great post! I was so hoping you and Dave collaborate on your work ;-)

Posted by: Julie Long at March 20, 2009 02:18 PM

Thanks, Madhu and Julie!

Julie, I would love to collaborate with Dave Barry. (Hint, hint!)

In answer to your question, Madhu, yes, I'm working on planning a writing and/or critiquing event that will tentatively take place in July. I know it's a busy time for vacationers, but it's often a time when writers put their writing projects on holiday, as well. What better remedy, then, than a gathering of talented like-minded people? Stay tuned for details.

Thanks, again, to everyone for your kind, comforting comments (both on screen and off). Your support is warmly appreciated!

Judy

Posted by: Judy at March 28, 2009 09:00 AM

Judy, thanks for your latest emails and I, too, was sorry to hear of your loss.

Your column made me laugh - thanks, I needed that. And, I will pull out your book again (which I did read a few years ago, btw!) and review all of those practical tips. After all, if they're good enough for your prodigy Dave, I guess I can use them, too! ;)

Posted by: Susan at April 3, 2009 04:18 PM

Thanks, Susan! Hope all is well with you and that your manuscript is finding a happy home!

Judy

Posted by: Judy Schneider at April 3, 2009 06:02 PM