« Outrageous is In | Main | The I'm Not Theory »
May 15, 2008
Thursday Night Therapy and the Bad-for-You Platter
Every Thursday night for the past I-don't-know-how-many years, my husband and I have gone out to dinner with my brother, his wife, my sister and her husband, who happens to be my husband's brother. (I know, I know, it sounds very interfamilial, but it's perfectly legal -- no bloodlines crossing, I swear.) We might go early or late or right when we should, depending upon the schedules of our combined twelve children--many of whom can now cart themselves around to their own activities. Nevertheless, the six of us have taken up the same space each week, but we bring to the table (or booth) six very different perspectives.
We call our regular gatherings "Thursday Night Therapy." I designed matching t-shirts for our little club (but no one ever wears them -- they're either saving them or I bought the wrong sizes) that say "Only 7 Days Left" because we've all admitted that while driving away from the restaurant every Thursday evening, we can't wait until our next weekly meeting.
In the comfort of sacred family pinky-swears, we can safely discuss our personal and professional lives, our children's challenges, our goals and failures and flights-of-idea. We can assume an outrageous stance or present a conservative one. We are able to freely discuss all those subjects marked as taboo in other social settings including politics (a discussion that often ends up involving customers at other tables and always the staff, because among the six of us, three political parties are represented) and religion. (Discussing sex is still taboo because, well, it just is.) Our interactions are full and feisty and very therapeutic.
Throughout all this, I've become comfortable with the word therapy because, for me, the word is synonymous with fun! I don't even mind when my daughter calls out from across the practice gym, "Hey Mom, are you going to therapy tonight?" (Although, that does remind me of an unrelated time when we were shopping for dresses to wear to my niece's wedding and she called out across the boutique, "Mom, this one would look great on a forty-year old!")
So why tell you about my Thursday night sessions? The answer lies in what I call the Bad-for-You Platter. Lately at therapy, I've been ordering a platter that is heaping with deep-fried everything. It's piled high with strips of zucchini, puffs of cauliflower and succulent mushrooms, fat, fat, thickly-battered onion rings, and extra ranch please. With that news, I'm sure some of you points-counting people are now whipping out your slide charts and tallying that the platter carries a week's worth of calories. (I know it does, but it's only once a week and I share, I swear.)
However, it's not what's on the Bad-for-You Platter but what happens over it that is truly fascinating. While pinching my onion "O" into an ellipse and dunking it in the nearest sauce, I ask my fellow club members about writing-related matters. I invite their feedback on plot points and character flaws, their opinions on my big-big nonfiction ideas, and their take on the latest twists in the industry. We reflect, not as writers, but as chemists and C.P.A.s, as engineers and teachers, and small business owners, on what makes a plot tired or fresh. Such conversations fueled my choices on which red herrings in my novel were "fair" and that my latest nonfiction idea needed reshaping.
Discussing writing-related topics with nonwriters can be an enlightening resource. So instead of fearing what others might think when you finally admit that you're writing a novel, fight your fright and just ask. Ask someone you trust what they truly think about whatever it is you're mulling over in your writing life. You don't have to worry that they'll steal your idea or lead you down the wrong path (in hopes of getting published before you do). This week, then, why not order a friend or family member a big bowl of ice cream or venti espresso and talk book talk? Otherwise, you might never find out how therapeutic such interaction can be. Good luck!
Posted by Judy at May 15, 2008 12:27 PM
Comments
Hi Judy, great post! I have a few trusted friends who read like writers and they are absolutely invaluable to my writing process. They read my work and give me completely candid feedback, but the thing they do well is keep thier feedback within my style, my goals, my attempts to make something come alive. There's a big difference between "Yeah, that's good." and "Yeah, that's good, but this character is completely off in this section. You're on the right track..." or "Yeah, but have you considered adding a one-legged pirate as a love interest for the nun?" It's subtle, I know, but it makes a big difference. I know that it's the kiss of death to say "Oh, my friends read my book and LOVED it!" when talking to anyone in the industry, but I'm sure someday that will be a legitimate statement for me. As you said, while you need writing perspectives from people who are in the know...it doesn't hurt to have a few readers who read like writers in the old stable.
Posted by: kathie at May 15, 2008 02:22 PM
Great post, Judy! I envy your regular family therapy sessions. And I agree that it can be helpful to reach outside the community of other writers. Sometimes we get too close to our work, and each other's, and there's nothing like fresh perspective.
Posted by: Julie Long at May 15, 2008 06:46 PM
My Thursday night get togethers center around a non writing group called my family. They are the ones that I base my writing on. Usually I babysit a 4 year old all day. When the magical hour hits at 3:50, I pick up the next carpool that includes my a 7 year old and an 11 year old. I am doing the same thing with my grandchildren that I once did with my own nine children years ago. I give them snacks and make sure they do their homework. At the dinner table, there are usually four kids under 11 and a number of adults which sometimes range from four to six. The jokes fly, the burps and other odors are expelled. We grimace when the 4 year old starts pinching butts. I guess he really is Italian. The conversation ranges from school, to music, to politics to sports to wrestling, to whatever other conversation flies around the table. My character study is right in front of me and I use it all when I am working on my stories.
Mary
Posted by: Mary Gauntner at May 16, 2008 09:09 AM
Kathie, you are fortunate to have such honest and interested friends. Be sure to buy them a thank-you cappuccino every now and then!
You are right, Julie, a fresh perspective is valuable and sometimes hard to find! After involving family, friends, and sister writers in your work, there are often no new eyes to read it in its final form. (It brings to mind my earlier post about the woman at the bank who offered to read my novel.) Take those fresh perspectives wherever you can find them! As an aside, I find it very romantic when a woman's first reader is her husband! Does that ever work for you?
Mary, how wonderful to have such engaging, exciting research material every evening at the dinner table. Kids are so fresh and individual, I'm sure you find yourself jotting notes through the entire Jello/Readi-whip course!
Thanks!
Posted by: Judy Schneider at May 16, 2008 10:53 AM
Hey Judy...you are so lucky to have family that knows and loves you enough to give you honest feedback. I let some of my family read my work and had to coax a critique out of them. It's tough to beg for criticism! Glad to hear the novel is moving along...I have an agent who is very interested...working on revisions...she said it is an "almost yes". Would love to catch up.
Kathy
Posted by: Kathy/lessons from the laundry at May 21, 2008 10:24 PM
Great to hear from you, Kathy! I am very excited by your agent news and want to hear more. A triple latte meeting is definitely in order! Just let me know when!
As for family reading my work, I have so much to say, I think I'll make that the subject of my next post.
Looking forward to seeing you! Let me know what happens with the agent. Fingers crossed...tightly!
Posted by: Judy Schneider at May 22, 2008 12:18 AM