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May 29, 2008
The I'm Not Theory
Whether it is an intentional act or somehow habitual, it is in our nature to qualify ourselves. We do so most often, I have come to realize, by declaring what we are not. We define our characters and our standards by negating those aspects that we do not deem acceptable. I call it the I'm Not Theory.
This revelation in human behavior came to me recently as I unofficially gathered unsolicited (yet not unwelcomed) bits of conversation. The other day in my local coffee shop, I overheard two people talking about a situation involving a misunderstanding. After defending herself and her actions, one woman said, "You know, the one thing I'm not is a liar." Later that day at a school event I heard a man tell another man, "I'm not a joiner, but I signed up for this new committee they're forming." Finally, when my daughter exclaimed, "I am not a follower," it hit me. We want people to know what we aren't.
If these negations are a part of our everyday conversations, they must be important to us. I'm not cheap. I'm not a late person. I'm not OCD. I'm not usually this insensitive. These are examples of how we qualify ourselves in our daily lives. The list goes on.
Let's take it one step further, then, and apply this tendency to our fictional characters. (You nonfiction writers, hang on. We'll get to an application for you next.)
Think about your protagonist, for example, and what characteristics are central to her being. What does she value and what does she hold as significant or dear? Now ponder what it is she would never want to be perceived as; what category would she be appalled to be associated with?
My protagonist, for example, is not friend-dependent. She is not what she classifies as a typical stay-at-home mom. She's not a mall-shopper, nor is she what she refers to as a window-treatment talker (one who speaks only about home redecorations and can't delve much deeper than that). You get the picture.
What are your own favorite negations? What can you learn from them as far how they help you define yourself? Can you apply the same strength of feeling to your characters and what they passionately negate?
And now, as promised, I'll move to the nonfiction application of this I'm Not Theory. Early on in your work, you should have asked yourself, who is my audience? But now, I'm recommending you ask, who is your audience not? Asking this question can help you to expand your marketing strategies and can help you work out the format for which to present your information.
In my coauthored nonfiction book, The Frantic Woman's Guide to Life, the audience is definitely not made up of organized women. My reader is not the woman who can find everything she needs at first mention. Her files are not at her fingertips and she doesn't have a regular schedule.
To apply this I'm Not Theory knowledge then, The Frantic Woman's Guide to Life is not formatted in such a way that would intimidate the unorganized reader. Therefore, the book doesn't recommend categorizing closet contents on index cards. Nor does it require the reader to reorganize her entire house in just two weeks. The book's contents take on a here-and-there kind of structure (presented in short, easy sections) that is much more manageable for the woman with little time.
Armchair psychologist that I am, I love studies in human behavior. (As for my PhD Psychologist friends, feel free to let me know if my brilliant discovery has already been theorized and observed.) Over the course of the next few days, take note of the I'm Not Theory in your own environment. It's a fun, informative exercise that might help fatten up a flat character profile or a flimsy nonfiction proposal.
In the meantime, let me know your answer to this question: What are you not? I can't wait to find out!
Posted by Judy at May 29, 2008 08:36 AM
Comments
The "I'm not theory" is really an interesting one and, as you pointed out, can have applications for both fiction and non-fiction writing.
Another point...when people say things like "I'm not a gossip" or "I'm not a petty person" and immediately follow it with a "but," you can be pretty certain what comes next will illustrate that they are, in fact, what they claim they are not.
Which raises the question: are these phrases really "examples of how we qualify ourselves in our daily lives" or more an example of how we wish we were?
Posted by: Nancy Christie at May 29, 2008 10:41 AM
Hey Judy, great post. I think this is such an interesting topic...something I feel my way through in novels, then I'll step back and be sure that my characters are consistent. BUT, then the question arises--at some point, the character might be forced to be the thing she claims not to be. Or maybe she is that all along, but doesn't admit it to herself. How do those thoughts fit into the theory?
Posted by: kathie at May 29, 2008 12:27 PM
Good observation, Judy. Do you find that often when people say they are not something, they are exactly what they are disavowing?
Posted by: Janice at May 29, 2008 12:58 PM
I'm not an expert in this area, but...It seems to me we often make such qualifying statements either as a defensive response to what we imagine that other people are thinking/saying or almost as an apology. Either way, I think it remains characteristic of a person who lacks self-esteem or self-confidence.
Working in a staff position here at the University of Pittsburgh -- and with no Ph.D., for instance, I often find myself stating, "I'm not an academic," before offering my "ignorant" opinion about something to groups of academics with whom I must connect in my job. I may have more than 23 years of experience as a writer/editor and marketing communication professional, but I still find myself anticipating their desire to put me in my place even with matters involving my expertise and then doing so myself just to force the issue to the surface.
Of course, if I'm honest with myself, my response to this imaginary predisposition on their part begins with my own feelings of inadequacy. The ironic truth is, many of those "academics" assume quite confidently that I am their Ph.D. peer and therefore refer to me as such. So I derail the interaction on my own -- and unnecessarily -- by revealing such inadequacies via an "I'm Not.." statement.
This does make for a nice, layered -- and revealing -- character flaw for fictional characters, though, giving him or her a bit of a victim mentality (us vs. them or me against the world). But I'm no fiction writer.
Posted by: Dan Bates at May 29, 2008 01:13 PM
You had me hooked upon reading your excerpt! What an interesting take on humanity, which can be applied to both our personal and our writing lives. I found myself thinking of what I am NOT, closely followed by what my intended audience for a current nonfiction project is NOT. I will file away this interesting approach and use it. Thank you. As always, you are an inspiration!
Posted by: Mary at May 29, 2008 02:35 PM
Judy, I never thought of it quite this way -- I'm NOT that kind of thinker! Seriously, though, this is a great/interesting way to approach my characters. So I guess it did get me thinking after all.
Posted by: Susan at May 29, 2008 07:58 PM
Many thanks to all of you for your insightful comments. As I was writing this blog entry, I anticipated such a response. Many people will qualify a statement (before they say it) with a statement that counters the qualification. For example, a person might say, "I'm no Einstein, but I think the proper way to do it is this way." But rather than it being a statement of inferiority, I think it might be the exact oppostie of that. The above line might be paraphrased as, "Even though I'm not as intelligent as you might think, I believe it should be done this way." This line offers an understated confidence, in a way. If it didn't, it might rather go un-uttered.
So in getting back to the "I'm Not Theory", the differences exist, not in who we are but in who we perceive ourselves to be. The person in Nancy's example above who states, "I am not a gossip, but..." probably perceives herself as a non-gossip when, in fact, she truly is one. So it's not all that different from the original theory I described, that this woman gossips but doesn't believe she is a gossip (similar to what Kathie and Janice wrote above). She is qualifying herself, separating herself from the people who do what she does but what she doesn't want to be perceived as doing. (Whew!)
That's one type of person. I think another type of person actually takes pride in what they are not, such as the person in the original blog entry who is not a liar and is offended at the thought of anyone thinking she is. I've been with people who, for instance, over-over tip in restaurants so as not to be perceived as cheap. And guess what. They're not cheap; not even close.
Mary, I'm delighted to hear you will use the theory in studying your target market. Keep plugging away on that proposal! It is such a worthwhile project!
And Dan, the last line of your post was great, stating "I'm no fiction writer." It was so well done, I'm thinking maybe you should be!
Thanks so much everyone. This is exciting, stimulating fodder for both writing and nonwriting minds!
Posted by: Judy Schneider at May 30, 2008 05:22 AM
Susan, this can be an interesting exercise, causing you to look at your characters in a different light. I have to admit, however, it's not always easy to do. Often it takes time to reveal what your characters are not. But thinking more in depth about them and how they'd react in the environment you've placed them is the point, right?
Posted by: Judy Schneider at May 30, 2008 05:26 AM
Judy, Great way to look at characters. Even though I'm writing non-fiction I do tend to describe people and your post has given me some ideas. Typically I use "what I am" descriptions. (Last week I wrote about my elementary school principal: "She was the type of woman who scared children when she smiled.") But now you've given me a good reversal technique. THANKS! Kathy
Posted by: Kathy/lessons from the laundry at May 30, 2008 02:39 PM